In TR #124, I discuss the difference between making friends as a kid and as an adult.
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Rough draft of show notes:
When I was a kid…
- Didn’t fit in with the jocks, even though I was pretty good across all sports…I was too smart, got too of grades, didn’t cause trouble in class
- The nerdy kids were nice to met, but I didn’t really get along with them either. I much preferred sports to doing nerdy stuff like playing Magic the gathering or doing puzzles for hours
- For this reason, I just never seemed to fit in for a long time. I almost had to dumb myself down for the jocks or just act intersted in shit I wasn’t with the nerds
It took me a long time to come to terms with all of this, probably much longer than it should have. And even more, it took time to be able to ARTICULATE it and explain it in concise words
But let’s move on from that and apply it towards adulthood.
The thing is, as kids we’re all friends. Everyone wants to talk to everyone. No one is shy
So what the hell happens over time?
People stop trying to fit in anywhere, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just how it is. But ultimately if you move to new places, you have to make new friends
But people don’t judge, most people are too scared to actually speak up against someone they don’t like. Whereas on the other hand, kids are not quite as scared to do this. I actually had a girl flat-out say in middle school (went to a private school) that she didn’t want me coming to the graduation party she was hosting.
She spread it to the wrong people and the venue actually got changed, since it was actually an official school event
See what I mean?
People actually get nicer as they get older.
So the key to fitting in and making friends as an adult is not being afraid to make the first move, because you’re going to have to. No one is going to bite your head off. Almost everyone in adulthood needs more friends and would like to expand their social circle.